After 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood, the mailman was going to retire. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.
At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door and up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced!
When he had enough, they went downstairs where she fixed him a giant breakfast; eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
'All of this was just too wonderful for words', he said; 'But what's the dollar for'?
'Well', she said, 'last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you, and he said; 'Screw him. Give him a dollar'. 'The breakfast was my idea!!'
Edit:
Saturday morning ...
Bob's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.
'Hello?', says a little girl's voice.
'Hi, honey, it's Daddy', says Bob. 'Is Mummy near the phone'?
'No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank'.
After a brief pause, Bob says, 'But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!'
'Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mummy!'
'Okay, then. Here's what I want you to do ... put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mummy and Uncle Frank that my car's just pulled up outside the house'.
'Okay, Daddy'.
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. 'Well, I did what you said, Daddy!' '
And what happened?'
'Well, Mummy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she's all dead'.
'Oh, my God .... and what about Uncle Frank?'
'He jumped out of bed with no clothes on, too, and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool, but he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's dead, too'.
There is a long pause, then Bob says ...........'Swimming pool? Is this 854-7039?!!!
30.07.2025, 22:10
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Zitat von »Jean«
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